Cyber-Bullying
As kids grow, so does their eagerness to get on a computer or mobile device. While this is often great for their learning and can provide access to wonderful tools only available online (and right here on ChessKid), the internet can be a dangerous place for kids. Search engines don't just give us pages of incredibly useful information, funny stuff, the random and the insane, they also show us more the more serious side of the internet, like reports of the actions and consequences when someone has been found guilty of a cyber-bullying. It can be horrifying as well as heartbreaking to read.Bullying:
So, what is cyber – bullying? How much do you really know about it? Would you be able to spot the signs (as a Guardian) if your kid was being bullied? Or was doing the bullying? Kids, would you know what to do if you or a friend was being bullied? Would you know who to talk to about it?
Different sites on the Internet vary with their statistics on how many kids/teenagers have been bullied online, but the shocking fact is that the stats all show it to be between 20% – 40% of active online kids. While we do our best to nurture and protect our young, at some point in their lives, whether it's at school, home, group play areas or the internet, they will come across bullying.
When a child is bullied it can affect them emotionally, physically and/or mentally. It can have quite traumatic effects on the kid.
Just some of the examples in which a child can be bullied are as follows:
- Being teased;
- Spreading rumors;
- Mean emails, notes, text messages, in-game messages;
- Online Forum fights;
- Kids telling other kids to un-friend the kid and stop talking to them;
- Someone repeating publicly something said in private;
When a whole bunch of kids were asked 'What is bullying?', while many gave varied answers, the most common replies from them were;
- Telling me I'm a loser;
- Saying I suck at chess or telling me to shut up all the time;
- Telling my friends I said things I didn't;
- They kept saying I'm stupid;
When I asked 'Why do you think they do this?', the answer most gave was:
'I don't know why' and 'they said it was a joke'.
As a grown-up it's easy for us to ignore it or get "thicker skin", but for a young person (especially under the age of 13) this is not something that they have yet learnt how to do. This is where parents, guardians, coaches and staff can and should be of great help to them.
Advice for Guardians:
If the kid comes to you and tells you that someone on our site is being mean or saying horrible things to them or about them, here are some things that you can do to help:
Always reassure the kid! Tell them that they are not in any trouble by telling you and that they did do the right thing by "tattle telling". Kids will often tell other kids not to "snitch" or be a "whinny tattle teller". After all, the bully will often follow up their mean comments with "I'm just joking". So if and when your child has the courage to tell you the truth, always praise them for this!
Ask them if they can show you what was said and where! Make a note of who said what (username) where (meaning copy direct urls and links and possibly take screenshots), when (date and time) and how often this occured.
Teach your kids! Be a mentor and tell them how to better cope with being bullied, possibly by doing some role-playing exercises with them. Example:
Start with something that is commonly used with kids, such as 'you're a loser'. Ask the kid how they would respond, how they would go tell and how it makes them feel. Then look ask them what positive comments they can say to themselves about themselves. And make sure they know the hurtful statement is not true just because someone else says it is.
Turn Negatives Into Positives:
Encourage them to think for themselves! If all their friends did something mean or crazy, would they do it to? Tell them that if someone says: 'I don't like you' all that matters is if YOU like YOU! And if you can say: 'well, I like me, so that's what matters' then you are on the right track!
If someone says 'I don't want to play with you', encourage the kid to think positively with 'thats ok, I can find others to play with and I may have more fun with' . The point is to give the child a positive to fix with any negative, and train them not dwell on bad interactions with bullies.
If you're a Guardian who feels that a child in your care is or may be the one being mean to others, explain to your kid that what they are doing is unacceptable behavior and that it is making the other kids unhappy. Again, role play and ask them how they would feel if someone said something mean to then.
Give them lots of praise when they are kind to other kids. Praising their positive behaviour not their negative is the simplest way to "reinforce" their subconscious with kind, and understanding actions towards others.
Net Safety Awareness:
In most towns or cities nowadays, there is likely to be a policeman or kind passer-by to help out if you get into trouble, but on the internet there is no one guarenteed to watch over your kid except you!
While I don't personally endorse any software (neither does ChessKid.com) there are some really good programs out there to help you monitor your kids safety and use of the computer. You can get things like:
- Web Watcher;
- Parental Control Software;
- Net Nanny Filtering;
- McAfee Family Protection;
- Cyber Patrol Filtering;
Emphasise strongly to your kids that posting any personal information about themselves, their location, family or where they go to school is NOT OK! It is also NEVER OK to ask other kids for this information. Help your kid become knowledgeable about the dangers of the internet and bullying without making them scared.
Finally, is good to remember that we don't want our kids to be paranoid either. Teach them what bullying really is, but at the same time they need to know that not everyone who says 'I don't like you' is a cyber bully. Sometimes kids and people fight, and that's OK. It's when this behavior is repeated or a child feels he or she is getting "ganged up on" by multiple kids that this becomes a problem.
On ChessKid.com, the safety of the kids is paramount to us! We do care what happens to them on our site and one thing we have never tolerated, and never will tolerate, is bullying of any kind.
Encourage your kids to talk to someone they can trust. Someone they feel safe talking with when they are unhappy or feel someone is being mean to them. After all, letting their hurt feelings and sadness out is always better than keeping it in, brooding on it, letting it fester which in itself can be quite destructive.
It is my goal that we can all work together for the greater good in keeping the kids on ChessKid.com happy, healthy, safe and without fear!
The Staff on ChessKid.com is working virtually around the clock and are always approachable: [email protected].
We are here for the Guardians and the kids as much and as often as we are needed, so please don't hesitate to contact one of us if you need any guidance or support. If you're a kid reading this and you realize that you have been bullied or are being bullied, please look for someone to talk to. Confide in your parents and or your coach, and you can also message or email me with the details of your situation.
Thanks to all of you for being good standing members on our website!